MsHurricane Lives Here

Words from the Wise

Posted on: October 7, 2009

VEGAN DISCLAIMER! A and D Ointment is not vegan. I am posting this for purely comedic reasons. Not vegan!

“Quack remedies for my sisters who love the ganj:

I know you’re probably laughing at the idea of me giving advice on how to maintain yourself, but please indulge me because I think I’ve found a solution to something that has been plaguing my everyday existence for years. I just had a eureka! moment and I want to share with my girlfriends who might understand.

So a few years ago I became quite fond of using mascara on a daily basis, a habit that only grew when I discovered such awesome things as the Shu Uemura lash curler and Lancome’s waterproof formula. Also, my friends have taken to photographing us randomly all the time with the advent of camera phones and digital cameras, and I have learned that I’ve got to be prepared. Otherwise it’s an untagging fest when they put busted looking photos of me up. I can’t get mad at them for taking a bad photo, I get mad at myself for not pulling it together before I left my house. Everyone knows that without mascara, a photo is no good. And during my sister’s wedding, I discovered the awesomeness that is the fake eyelash wearing experience. Mascara makes every day a theatrical one.

The downside to this is the sorry state of my eyelashes, after all the curling and being coated with makeup all day long. They became dry and brittle. I’d stare at myself in the mirror feeling that life was going helplessly wrong. It doesn’t help that I partake in other certain eyeball drying activities as often as I wear mascara.

There was the thing with the dark circles pooling under my eyes and shadows that had not existed before. I thought it was because I am getting older and goof around more than “people who take care of themselves”. Horrific to contemplate whether that which makes me feel youthful and silly could be the very thing that makes me look corpselike and dreadful. The fears, coupled with paranoia led to several wasted days. I would stare at my face in the mirror for hours until my eyes were crosseyed too, looking for changes. Was I going to have to change my life to preserve a fresh looking face? I was laughing and crying at the same time. I thought I was dying. Or at least half dead, like a zombie. All the undereye concealer in the world could not change the fact that I looked permanently tired. In fact, I thought I was permanently tired. I sought a philosophic answer, but at the end of the day I was still too vain to be satisfied that I should just accept things the way they were. I tried hydrating more, doing yoga and eating fresh vegetables but when you stonehenge, stronger measures must be taken.

In keeping with my decision to run life, and life not run me, I sought a solution. I googled “how do you make your eyelashes grow more healthy?” and found that a lot of people apply vaseline to their eyelashes to make them grow longer. “Sweet!” I thought “and cheap!” With a beauty routine as complicated as mine is already, the simpler the better.

I rummaged through my medicine cabinet to find some vaseline, but I couldn’t find any because we usually don’t put that shit on our skin. I did find some tubes of A and D ointment (A & D isn’t vegan!), which I use on my skatewound scabs. It has the same basic ingredients as vaseline, plus the added benefit of Vitamin A and Vitamin D. For the past couple of weeks I’ve been dabbing it on my eyelashes at night, and while I’m not convinced my eyelashes are growing longer I have noticed that they are way healthier and fuller. Awesome!

The added benefits became clear to me over the weekend. On a morning that for every reason, I should have awoke with a gargoyle face and bruiser eyes, I looked well rested and bright eyed. The skin around my eyes felt lubricated and supple. I looked 5 years younger than I did a couple of weeks ago. “They were dehydrated!” I exclaimed with wonder, staring at myself in the mirror… “No wonder why I’ve been looking like shit.” I now regard those tubes of A and D ointment like they are magic eye brightening sticks.

So seriously, if you’re not on the eye cream thing already, I’ve got to say it works wonders. It’s not like they do studies and research on the negative beauty affects of the cheeb and what to do about it, so I feel I must tell you from my own personal trials and errors. Takes at least five years off ya face. I’ll be experimenting with the expensive eye creams in the future I think, but for now I’ll be applying this A and D ointment nightly. It’s all about balancing out a particular lifestyle, and now I’ve found a way to make all my interests work nicely together!! Now I can worry about other things, like studying and cleaning my house to look nice while hanging out with people by webcam in my room.”

Girl just introduced me to Vitamin E oil on my cuticles.
Written by my best friend, BL.


1 Response to "Words from the Wise"

Vegan tip: Olive Oil works just as well, probably even better.

A&D ointment is just funnier to me because it’s typically used for diaper rash 😛

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Imma Twitta Dat!

Top Posts


%d bloggers like this: